It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
i think my cat just said my name.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
