I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
