She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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