i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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