im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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