new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize