Her vagina should come with caution tape.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
