Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
