We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
