I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
God, I missed his penis.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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