Banned from zoo.
Again?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
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it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
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I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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