he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
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