can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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