why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
