K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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