Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
