dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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