This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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