I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
