letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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