but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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