do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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