Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
