is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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