no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
