the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Randomize
