apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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