I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
