boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I am one with the molecules
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Randomize
