I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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