i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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