I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
