My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
