Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
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