Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Randomize
