So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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