Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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