party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
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I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
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I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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