Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
this just has baby written all over it
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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