Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
