I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
