I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
