I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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