So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
