I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
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