my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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