The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
