I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
