Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
