i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
