First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
