I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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