pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
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