All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
