yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
i now understand why vodka
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
