i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
