Three words: puerto rican gang bang
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
