if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
