the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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