just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
