I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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