I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Randomize
