Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
