I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
vagina is talking i cant
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
