The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Green mimosas i think yes
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
