hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
