Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize