so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
