I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
