I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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