dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
