never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
